Forget Ungovernable. Become Incorruptible.
Toward authentic freedom in an increasingly unfree world
“Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures in order to occupy and amuse himself. … A man who lies to himself is often the first to take offense. It sometimes feels very good to take offense, doesn't it? And surely he knows that no one has offended him, and that he himself has invented the offense and told lies just for the beauty of it, that he has exaggerated for the sake of effect, that he has picked up on a word and made a mountain out of a pea—he knows all of that, and still he is the first to take offense, he likes feeling offended, it gives him great pleasure, and thus he reaches the point of real hostility.” —Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
I was supposed to be doing a thing this week (the details don’t especially matter) and I was kicked off and excommunicated at the last possible moment because my social media content is apparently “psychologically unsafe” and “deeply upsetting” to people.
I’m not sure what exactly sealed my fate. It could have been anything. Probably something I posted that was critical of medically “transitioning” children, or something (gasp) anti-vax, or a scandalous retweet of Charles Murray. God only knows. It is unsurprising, but no less disappointing, to once again watch the knee-jerk propensity of The Good People—the youmustniks—to close ranks and gatekeep in the name of safety. Always safety.
Have you ever noticed this sort of thing never goes the other way? I would never insist someone be denied tenure or be booted off a panel or uninvited from a speaking event because of their political convictions. I don’t feel any particular need to protect anyone from the lunacy spewed by my intellectual opponents, absurd and obscene and—yes, dangerous—as I may personally find their claims. I trust and wish to empower individual adults to make their own assessments and self-select in and out of public spaces that suit them. If anyone feels unsafe, the exits are clearly marked. I do not ever desire to have that process managed on my behalf, nor would I ever attempt to manage it on anyone else’s.
And yet. And yet. We live in a world that sorts the Good People from the Bad People according to cartoonish, runaway safetyism. It is toxic femininity on steroids, the devouring mother as full-on regime type. The best and highest virtue is reserved for those who “protect” themselves and (especially) others from the consequences of their own choices, while claiming all the while to champion freedom of choice and painting the other guys as the real authoritarians. (Or, more fashionably, the Fascists Who are a Danger to Democracy.) It’s quite a trick. One can’t help but feel a little impressed.
This has, until now, generally worked fairly well to keep me more or less in line. Normally this kind of incident would have me trembling before the Grand Inquisitor begging forgiveness. “But….but….I’m not a bad person! Can’t you see I’m not?” But something has finally broken free in me this week. I don’t know if it was the nature of the excommunication, the absolutely insane 15-0 CDC vote to add Covid “immunization” to the childhood vaccination schedule and therefore render it de facto required for public school attendance, the general fall of Rome vibes that are inescapable at this point, some sort of divine revelation, or what. But something has pulled me entirely out of my customary oppositional “they can’t do that! Are they really going to do that? Can’t everyone see how unreasonable/obscene/evil that is? We have to do something!” position. I don’t think there’s any part of me left there, in that paradigm. I am overcome, rather, with a feeling of deep acceptance for the accelerating chaos that is clearly completely beyond my control, and an even deeper conviction that I will simply not participate in this evil farce at any level.
I’ve made solid and permanent contact with my inner Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. The core, essential truth that my life and my choices, come what may, remain resolutely under my control—no matter what. The system is evil and corrupt and, I believe, utterly doomed. It will eventually destroy itself. (It’s possible that the seeds of destruction were sown from the start, with the paradox of tolerance—a conversation for another time.) But fundamentally, there is nothing “they” can do to corrupt me, not without my consent. I’ve quoted Solzhenitsyn before and will do so again: “Let the lie come into the world, let it even triumph. But not through me.” I don’t care what threats you make, or deprivations you impose, or how scary you get. I am not going to repeat your lies. Nor will I allow myself to be intimidated by your anger that I will not repeat your lies. Nor will I allow you trick me into feeling ashamed or like there’s something wrong with me for speaking what I know to be true. None of this will work on me any longer.
I look out around the world right now and I don’t see ideological or political adversaries anymore—all I see is masses of lost souls. I see those fifteen people on the CDC panel not as intrinsically evil in and of themselves, but weak humans who have consented, for any number of reasons, to an evil that is far bigger than they are. Some have consented in fear, many others in arrogance and hubris. Someone I follow on twitter recently put it very aptly: “the temple of sanctimony has become a sarcophagus.” It is a legitimate and serious tragedy for those individuals that they have done so, but that is, fundamentally, their business. They have the keys to escape just as I do, they just choose not to. That is not my problem. Not my job. My job—my only job—is to be true. Always. Come what may.
Jordan Peterson, of course, expresses this all very beautifully:
“Listen to yourself talk, as if a stranger was talking. Try not to identify too much with what you are saying. Then, observe. See if what you are saying makes you feel stronger, physically, or weaker. If it makes you feel weaker, stop saying it. Try to reformulate your speech until you can feel the ground under your feet solidifying. Then practice only saying things that make you strong.
“Stop trying to use your speech to get what you want. You don’t necessarily know what you want. Instead, try to articulate what you believe to be true as carefully as possible. Then, accept the outcome. Assume that your truth, as lived and spoken, will produce the best possible outcome. It’s an act of faith.
But so is every other way of being.”
I have always found your media content to be psychologically refreshing and deeply sound. It is one of the places I go to shore up my own mental fortifications and resolve. It is a safe haven from the incoherent storm raging everywhere these days. I am a profound introvert and normally would never comment publicly, just read and observe. Yet, this post requires a response and my deepest thanks.
SO BEAUTIFUL! Thank you, Jen!!!!!